My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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