is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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