If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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