his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
