why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
