I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
