yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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