Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
