so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
