farters have to be the big spoon...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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