She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
