Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize