i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
