I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
