I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
