i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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