if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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