when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
