One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
