I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
