He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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