dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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