Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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