Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
