Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
