what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
