I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
