You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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