i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
