is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
