apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize