Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
