my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We left an ass print on the piano.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
