I need help removing her.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
zippers are such a cool invention
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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