Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looked like the before picture.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
