Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
