I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
