im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
