Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This toilet bowl is my home.
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