You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
