Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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