is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
