ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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