Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
