the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
