is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
