So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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