my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
