I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
