i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
