That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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