Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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