i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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