There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
