Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
