he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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