so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
