dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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