It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
