I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
