Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
