with your own penis?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
