so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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