I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
