There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
