If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
