I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dick very happy bro
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
