I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
