if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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