Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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