Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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