just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
