need another drink. this is the easiest way
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
