I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
