STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
