I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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